While I was up cleaning the diner counter, I noticed a group of kids (they’re maybe around 7 or 8). They were making fun of another kid who slipped on a puddle and who was wearing glasses. I felt sorry for the little tyke so I went outside and helped him up. When the other kids saw me, they ran away. But before they could cross the street, one of them, a big, chunky, boy threw a water balloon at our direction. Sure enough, the kid I helped got full blast.
Some adults would excuse this kind of behavior among kids. They would say that the kids do not know what the consequences of their actions are. Yet, it is very surprising that as young as they are, they already mirror the common action adults do: forming cliques.
Cliques are groups formed by the desire humans have to be accepted and to create an identity. More often, the term “clique” is used to mean a social group, or in the Filipino language, a “barkada”. But cliques can also mean work cliques or work groups. Through observation, kids (even teens and adults) establish their identity by acting how their circles are doing. With this, they judge what is normal and fit for them based on the standards set by their group. Also, the choice of a clique usually depends on whether the people there have the same interests, characteristics, nationality, hobby, spirituality or even socio-economic status.
Seemingly, the formation of cliques can negate the idea of what friendship should be. Friendship should have no tensions, it should come easy to us. But cliques, being so exclusive, sometimes bound other people from easy entrance. My Sweet Valley High books display a similar case. The clique Jessica (one of the twins and a main character) had was filled with the popular kids who were cheerleaders. Then an obese girl, Robin, wanted to join their group. Of course, that would ruin the reputation that Jessica’s group had. So, they made a joke out of her. She then pushed herself to be thin. She ate only vegetables and ran around the school track field all the time. When she got thinner, she took revenge and tried out for the cheer squad. She succeeded in outshining Jessica. But this book (being for minors, of course) ended it with the two being friends.
There are more sad stories of how power groups could bully people into doing horrible stuff. In the end, what we should do is to accept who we are. Though it can be hard, we should always look into our own uniqueness and quit comparing ourselves to others. Yes, we might be different. And being different does not mean we are bad.
Here are some of the tips Debbie Mandel gave in order for us not to turn our backs against the world:
- Don’t let others have power over you. Realize that even the most popular feel insecure. In fact, you might be excluded because you seem unapproachable – they might feel undermined by you hanging on the sidelines! Reach out; leave your comfort zone to make the first move.
- Emit positive vibes. People gravitate to positive people. Be the best that you can be and others will be attracted to you.
- See the basic comedy of manners in the clique. Don’t take them so seriously. Laughter generates endorphins and will help you see other possibilities.
- Get rid of that air of desperation. If you act like a victim, you will be treated like a victim. Living well is really the best antidote. Act as if and soon you will be feeling much happier and relieved. Have confidence that things will work out in the end.
- Focus on past successes and what qualities you incorporated to make them a success. Transfer these qualities to other areas of your life- like making new friends.
- Keep growing. Get out and learn new things and visit new places. If you have other sincere friends in your life, who cares about one or two less. Focus on who and what you have- not what you are missing.
- Get involved at your child’s school: class mother, committees, school programs, etc. You will help your child by being in the know about school. You can be creatively involved, suggest improvements and be there to have some input.
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